Let’s face it, calling industrial grade office bath tissue toilet paper is like calling sandpaper a cotton ball. Regular, cushiony home toilet paper has a completely different texture than the rough, grainy brand that your cheap office manager tries to pass off as acceptable. Its main function is to provide the bare minimum, yet marginal comforts of home to make a weak attempt to put you at ease in a place you spend 8 hours a day. And, of course, to make sure that Bill, the notorious burrito eater in the cubicle kitty corner from you doesn’t waft his smell toward you come the 2PM slump.
But don’t fret my informed consumers. Not all industrial size rolls are gritty enough to take the varnish off your mothers victorian coffee table. This is a review for the brand of toilet paper that bridges the gap. Georgia Pacific Embossed toilet paper is the small comfort of home appearing like a smily face in the middle of your work day. It pops up like Clippy to ask not if he can help you write a letter, but instead to offer a helping hand at cleansing your hard working bottom.
The absorbency of this toilet paper is beyond compare. It soaks up liquid and other matter like the dried out kitchen sponge plunging into the warm, luxurious sink water to sing across your dishes. The tissue plumps up with joy, and when you need more, well, it’s an industrial size roll! There is plenty to go around. Even Sharon, your poor co-worker without a gall bladder will get all she needs and more from Georgia Pacific’s exquisite product.
And what about the visual aesthetic of this toilet paper? Well, I suppose I’m saddened to say that there is none. It is simply a flat, blank roll. But what opportunity that gives you to imagine your own designs if there are no magazines around to entertain you. Perhaps you stare deep into the grains and find your own shapes, just like cloud watching on an enchanting autumn afternoon with your soulmate.
So please, if you are an office manager or a disgruntled employee who is sick of coming home from work with a rash on your buns from the wood chip milled atrocity that your company calls toilet paper, then you need to set this as a recurring order on your Staples business account. As the hardworking employee you are, truly do deserve the best for your bottom.
