It was a crime of passion before I met Quilted Northern Toilet Paper, and it happens to the best of us. A few cocktails were enjoyed, a hunger strikes, and a beacon of joy emerges from the horizon on the ride home. You know what you’re getting yourself into, the pain you shall create for your digestive track and the plumbing system in your home, yet you make your way in that drive thru regardless. Fudge it, “I’m getting Taco Bell”, you drunkenly mutter to yourself.
This was a special Taco Bell trip for me, as I haven’t had the processed quasi Mexican food in over a year, and have almost completely cut out dairy and wheat for the past several months. With every bite I had, I knew it was going to be a messy morning.
I mentally prepared myself of the upcoming battle the in the AM as I awoke, and with a coffee in hand, I was a ticking time bomb. I was also out of toilet paper. So as I walked down the paper products aisle of my local Walgreen’s, I finally spotted Quilted Northern Toilet Paper. The packaging stated all of the intangibles I knew I would need; Ultra Soft and Strong with Clean Stretch Technology. Most importantly, Quilted Northern Toilet Paper has the tagline of “for a confident clean.” I was sold, as I needed every last bit of that packaging copy writing to be 100% true.
After the deed was done, it was time to test Quilted Northern Toilet Paper. Much to my surprise and jubilation, the selling points were all true! It only took a few smooth strokes to give me that confident clean, and the Clean Stretch Technology helped provide a soft, yet strong, sensation while the regrets of the night before were eradicated from my body.
Always a fan of the quilted print, the design speaks to the comfy cabin that we all like to get away too. With prints of hearts and leaves, it’s like you’re wiping your bum with the quilt that Grandmother has been working on for months.
The cherry on top of Quilted Northern Toilet Paper is the price. Just under five dollars will give you nine big rolls, which blows away most of the competition. For less than a Subway Sandwich, you will have the comfort and confident clean for weeks on end, even if you decide to destroy your insides by eating Taco Bell the night before.
Next time you’re in a time of need and have to wipe away your regrets from the night prior, give the Grandmother’s quilt of Toilet Papers a try.