I was once like you. I feared each and every bowel movement, not knowing what type of aftermath I’d be dealing with. Would it be a quick and painless two wiper, or the dreaded infinity wipe where no amount of effort would leave me feeling clean? Unfortunately for me, the latter was the far more common scenario. After years of struggle and thousands spent on the overuse of toilet paper, I decided enough was enough and I began the search for the best way to poop. While it took countless experiments and louds of laundry, I eventually discovered three items, that when used together, create the ultimate pooping experience.
How to Poop Faster – The Squatty Potty
The Squatty Potty was my first real leap into better pooping. Episodes that would normally take me 20 to 30 minutes to complete my business soon became 2 to 3. Not only that, I noticed I was eliminating far more than I was before. So not only does the Squatty Potty help you poop faster, it helps you get rid of more poop more as well. I noticed a drastic reduction in infinity wipes with the Squatty Potty, and I’ve saved countless hours since implementing this divine invention.
How does it work you may wonder? The Squatty Potty forces your body into a position that mimics squatting, which induces a much more efficient elimination. Animals squat to poop, and humans did before the advent of the modern toilet. So by using this piece of clever engineering, we’re really getting back to our fast pooping roots.
The Squatty Potty has been around for a while now, and dozens of different models are available for your use. I’ve been using the standard model for years, which is only $25.
How to Poop Cleaner and Use Less Toilet Paper – Get a Bidet Toilet Seat Attachment
Introducing a Squatty Potty into the equation doesn’t take much convincing, but talking your common man into installing a bidet is a much tougher task. The bidet is still viewed negatively in the western hemisphere, as many people think a bidet equates to a separate fountain like device that vertically shoots water up into your parts. Lucky for you, modern technology has provided us with a multitude of bidet options that simply attach to your toilet with minimal effort.
There are several benefits of getting a bidet attachment. They’re easy to install. They’re significantly cheaper than getting a separate bidet apparatus, or a bidet that is part of a high tech toilet seat. But most of all, you’ll have cleaner poops and use less toilet paper! If you have a problem with the infinity wipe or feel the need to shower after half of your poops, a bidet attachment is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I’ve personally owned and used two different bidets. Both are low cost, and have completely changed the way I go to the bathroom. While there are many more options, either of these will do just fine.
Luxe Bidet Neo 120
The Luxe Bidet is a non-electric bidet that can be yours for under $40. This is a great option if you want to have cleaner poops, but don’t need the frills of a higher cost bidet. To use it, all you need to do is turn a dial to select the amount of water pressure you want. Assuming you installed it correctly, the stream should be aimed appropriately at your dirty place, and the rinsing shall commence!
There are a two main drawbacks you should consider with the Luxe Bidet Neo 120:
- This is a non electric model, meaning the water is cold. This was a bit shocking to me at first, but you do get used to it after a while. If you aren’t sure you can handle a stream of cold water shooting all up in you, consider getting an electric bidet.
- The nozzle doesn’t aim itself, so you’ll need to adjust your position from time to time to ensure you’re receiving the stream of clean in the area you need it
Despite these drawbacks, the Luxe Bidet Neo 120 is a great starter option. If you want to dip your toes into the wonderful world of bidets before breaking the bank, go with this model. 
Tushy Classic
The Tushy has made its way into the mainstream, and is constantly being promoted across the podcast world. The Tushy Classic is essentially an upgraded version of the Luxe Bidet Neo 120. It attaches in the same way and is also non-electric, however there are a few notable differences:
- The material is more sturdy than the Luxe Bidet, and will hold up longer.
- It’s more aesthetically pleasing, and comes in a variety of colors.
- There is an aiming feature – this is the most important difference. With the Tushy you can aim the stream, and won’t need to reposition yourself as much as you’re cleaning.
The Tushy Classic is more than double the cost of the Luxe Bidet Neo 120, with the price typically being around $80. If you know you want a bidet and are OK with the higher price point, my personal recommendation is to go with the Tushy.
Finish the Job with Cottonelle Clean Care Ultra
The Squatty Potty will help you poop faster, and your bidet of choice will ensure you’re cleaner and use less toilet paper. But you still need SOME toilet paper to finish the job. In fact, let’s walk through the steps of the best way to poop just to be safe.
- Get on the Squatty Potty
- Poop
- Use a small amount of toilet paper
- Spray with the bidet
- Finish the job with one more small amount of toilet paper
You see, step 3 and 5 are crucial to the process. Step 3 is needed to make sure you don’t simply spray mess all over yourself with the bidet. And step 5 is necessary to make sure the bidet did it’s job, as well as to dry yourself off. So toilet paper is still a critical part of the process, however you’ll need much less of it.
My toilet paper of choice is Cottenelle Clean Care Ultra with Ripples. It’s the highest performing brand that I’ve found, and is surprisingly cheap given the high quality of this wonderful toilet paper.
In Summary
Everyone wants to find the best way to poop. Not everyone wants to rely on a clean diet to do so. What you’ve been given in this sharing of knowledge is a way to poop better without changing your lifestyle. If this isn’t the American way, then I don’t know what is.
So go out and get yourself a Squatty Potty, a bidet and a fresh roll of Cottonelle Clean Care. In return, you’ll be rewarded with a consistent clean that you could previously only dream of.
