There comes a time in the life of every man when conventional toilet paper is simply not available in the house, and an alternative method of cleansing must be utilized. Whether its a case of impending doom, an empty wallet or just plain laziness, using something other than toilet paper to remedy the situation happens on occasion. Naturally, the bulk of us in this predicament go for the cousin of toilet paper; the paper towel. And the specific cousin that we speak of today? Bounty. (And yes, I singled out men in this scenario.. Because we all know that women don’t poop to begin with.)
Bounty paper towels are a natural short term fix. It’s tough, stern, and wont completely eradicate the skin off of you during your short term fix session. It’s not the most pleasant experience in the land, but the job will get done. Bounty claims that one sheet locks in the mess, and makes that claim right on the packaging. I’m not quite sure what mess they are referring to, but I can speak for experience it doesn’t quite apply to all messes. Be prepared to use three sheets at the minimum to get yourself back on your couch and procrastinating the purchase of an actual suitable item for the aftermath of number two. On that same token, be very careful in how you utilize your thicker and larger sheets of cleansing materials; a clogged latrine is always lurking around the corner when Bounty is your substitute bath tissue.
Bounty does have a nice dotted diamond shaped print that makes you almost feel ok about using it as toilet paper. It’s also a supreme product when being used under more normal circumstances. While no paper towel should be purchased to silent the call of nature, it’s nice to know that Bounty can at least help solve that problem, as well as be used to clean up the oil stains on your stove from that shitty dinner you tried to cook yourself four days ago.
Ideally, you should have toilet paper in your house. Pretty much always. It’s importance should be placed up there with soap and lube in terms of bare necessities. But if your in a pinch, Bounty will be there to leave you feeling almost satisfied, and not too horrible about yourself as a human being that is on the verge of being unable to take care of yourself.
Side Note: I’m often asked how long it’s OK to go without normal toilet paper, and relying on an alternative such as bounty. The answer is two days, or three bathroom sessions; whichever comes first. And gentleman please; if you’re expecting a female in your abode go buy some toilet paper. If they’re forced to use paper towels, you’ll likely be finding yourself using it for another use entirely.