When planning a trip across the country to stay with a relative, you’re often faced with a handful of reservations. How much will it cost me? What’s the weather going to be like? Will they have a superior toilet paper that is going to satisfy my needs? While the answers to the first two questions are still somewhat up in the air for this currently vacationing toilet paper aficionado, with the third there is no debate. Awaiting my arrival was an endless pack of Members Mark Ultra Premium Toilet Paper, bath tissue made by, and sold at, Sam’s Club. I couldn’t be more pleased with the genius that Sam has come up with.
Members Mark Ultra Premium Toilet Paper is like a strict but nurturing grandmother; soft and strong. Having the grandmother of toilet papers at your disposal while in Central Florida is more than necessary, as the barbecue and fish tacos flow like wine, and the humidity constantly dampens your skin like a mean dog owner constantly spraying their canine with water from a windex bottle to scold them. Even the most moist situations are a treat with Members Mark Ultra Premium Toilet Paper from Sam’s Club, and leave you with no hesitancy when you decide to have your Whitefish deep-fried.
Members Mark Ultra Premium Toilet Paper is aptly designed to capture the dewiness of your tush with its dotted, two-ply texture. A minimalistic floral pattern is sparsly laid upon each square, providing an aesthetic that screams Sheik Zen. The strength that is provided is in no small part due to its second ply, which allows for a considerable amount of torque to be applied before any ripping occurs.
The cherry on top of this stern and nurturing toilet paper is the price. Thirty Six large rolls can be found for just $17. That’s right; you can have the grandmother of toilet papers for what amounts to be just under $0.50 a roll.
A grocers brand is typically looked at with some skepticism, but there’s no need to worry with Members Mark Ultra Premium Toilet Paper from Sams Club. Inhale the deep fried white fish and run around in the humid 90 degree air with no fear, because you’ve got a grandmother waiting to refresh you whenever the need should arise.